Things My Mother Taught Me

We’re officially into fall now. With this change of season comes a whole cycle of activities and busyness that some folks look forward to and others just can’t escape no matter how badly they want to. Kids are heading back to school—meaning “School Zones” are now in effect again. (Wasn’t it kind of nice to be able to ignore those for a few months?) Summer vacation—and warm sunny days—will soon be no more than a fading memory. Church activities start up again in full force. This is life in our culture. It’s just a busy reality.

Yet there’s always a bright side. The beginning of this new season can also be a time for something new. Not just the end of a good season, but a fresh start perhaps. “Renewal” is the first word in the acronym (R.E.A.L.) that our Fellowship Pacific Women’s Ministry is using as their focus this year. (Click here to go to their website.) That’s an interesting word—renewal. It means “to begin again” or “to restore and replenish.” It can also mean to “restore to a former state” which may not necessarily be a good thing (depending on what that former state was) but has the added helpful dimension of “making new or as if new again.” I like that.

With the idea of renewal on our minds, perhaps this would be a good time to make some “Fall Resolutions.” Forget New Years resolutions because they never work. I’ve tried them, you’ve tried them, and we know they don’t stick. Let’s move on. Fall resolutions may be a better strategy.

One thing that Sharyn and I always do about this time of year is a thorough review of our finances. (We do this together, by the way, even though she—the one whom I have on occasion referred to as the “ultimate non-accountant”—looks after the day-to-day aspects of our family finances and spending plan.) We assess our progress toward our financial goals and fine tune our spending plan (that would be our “budget”) to help us achieve those goals. Every couple should do such an in depth review of their finances on at least an annual basis.

If you were to do this sort of review now, what would you see? Maybe when it comes to our family finances we might conclude that we haven’t done things so well in the past. Maybe in our renewal process we find that there is no “former state” to which we would like to revert. So then let’s just resolve to “make it new” or start again as if for the first time. Whatever we do, let’s not abandon the process before we give it a good shot.

If that’s your situation—or even if you feel you’ve done everything right in the area of managing family finances and you’ve got them under control and where you want them—let me tell you about some things that my mother taught me, because you might see some truth there that will help you. They’re about life in general, although I think they also apply quite fittingly to our personal and family finances.

Shortly before I began
to learn about money

A bit of background to start with… I was born of missionary parents in India and lived there until I finished high school. My mother, of English and Irish descent, was also born in India and spent the first fifty years of her life there. My father was Canadian and went as a missionary to India in his early twenties. During my last few years of high school my father’s involvement in mission work necessitated his traveling around India for long stretches of time. So, my mother and I lived together in the city where I attended school, up in the beautiful Nilgiri Mountains of southern India. My younger sister attended a boarding school in another nearby city and my older two siblings had returned to Canada after completing high school. From about the age of fourteen onwards I had been very involved in the management of our family finances. My mother always included me in the financial decision making and taught me many valuable lessons and instilled in me healthy habits in the area of finances. I’ve always been grateful for that.

So here are five things that my mother taught me—in no particular order of importance—along with some practical applications I’ve subsequently learned.

1: “Two can live as cheaply as one.” 

This is insightful, I’m sure. Except what she never told me was that they can only live half as long! So, the lesson from this is that when you’re developing your spending plan (i.e. your budget) make sure you get the whole picture. Consider all the eventualities of the circumstances and never underestimate the cost of groceries and other personal living expenses in the family spending plan.

2: “Hope for the best and expect the worst.”

For some reason my mother would often make that statement after she’d settled on a plan. Of course this did nothing for instilling confidence in the success of her plan. Nonetheless, it does suggest the significant importance of having a positive attitude towards a plan that we’ve made, yet still being prepared for any outcome.

3: “If it’s doubtful, it’s dirty.”

So many times my mother told me the story of the young man going on his first date. He called out to his mother from his bedroom asking if she would check his shirt for him since he wasn’t sure whether it was clean or not. She shouted back, telling him it was dirty. When asked how she knew that without even seeing it, she responded “Son, if it’s doubtful, it’s dirty!”

The moral of this story is that if you have any hesitation in a financial decision, don’t do it. Walk away. Remember that if there’s a good deal today, there will be a good deal tomorrow. There is a proviso to this lesson, and that is to make sure you have all the information before trying to make the decision. Ask for advice from the right people. Get wise counsel, for sure, but there’s no substitute for doing your own thorough research.

4: “Always check for snakes under the bed before you go to sleep.”

Okay, some more context is required here. My parents lived for many years in an area of India where the heat of the summer (mid to high forty degrees Celsius) would motivate snakes to seek out the cool of our house that was built of stone. One summer they killed an average of one deadly poisonous cobra per day in and around the house. My mother developed a healthy fear of snakes. So much so that even when we lived up in the mountains where there were no snakes, every night after she got into bed I had to check under her bed. Just to be sure.

The lesson here is to make sure the job is finished completely before you quit. Never abandon a plan until you’ve given it your very best effort to make it work. This applies very fittingly when developing and using a personal or family spending plan.

5: “If you had to use the same water for both washing the dishes and having a bath, which would you do first?”

There was a rather quirky and eccentric old British spinster we knew who lived by herself on the other side of town. This lady insisted that because of the water shortages in her place of residence, she actually had to make this decision every day. My mother and I often debated the advantages of either option over the other. A tough choice to make, I suppose.

The moral of this story is to recognize that sometimes we just can’t win and we may have to simply make the best of a bad situation. There are times when we need to adopt the attitude that “I can endure anything for a while. Tomorrow the sun will rise again.”

So maybe this is an appropriate time for each of us to gain the fresh start we need. Let’s anticipate some real and significant renewal—a fresh start if necessary. Now’s the time for some new Fall Resolutions. I wish you well in your pursuit of renewal in the area of your finances.

Four More Minutes in India - April 2012

And a year later, here's another video I prepared for a report to my church in April 2012.

Four Minutes in India - February 2011

I prepared this short video as part of a report I gave in my church on March 20, 2011.

Tea picking in Kerala

Tea is picked here in a way that I had not seen before. In Darjeeling, for instance, where they grow and process a finer brand of tea, all the picking is done by hand—just the first three leaves. Here in Kerala they use a tool not unlike a small two handled hedge trimmer with an attachment to collect the leaves.

Naturally, there are more stems and larger tough leaves picked and thrown into the mix than if picked by hand. But this is all sifted out later at the factory. They pick a lot more volume this way, but the quality of the tea suffers. Most of this tea is used to produce commercial grade powder for restaurants. Some is exported.

It's a beautiful sight to see acre upon acre of manicured tea bushes—dark green with the sun glinting off every leaf. It's very quiet around these parts except for the friendly chatter of the pickers.

Waiting for the day

This is the shoe shiner's buddy.

Life is never wasted with being in a hurry in India. It's a great thing.

"Peace. It does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. It means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." [Unknown Source]

Shoe shiner at the Y

This man has been shining shoes just outside the gate of the YMCA Hostel in Delhi for many years. Always in the same spot by the tree. Out of the sun and a bit sheltered from the weather. He always has a quick and ready smile. One or two friends usually hang out there with him in the early morning, bringing on the day with happy conversation.

He's in the same spot every morning. I doubt that he pays any license fees for being in that spot on the sidewalk. There must be some unwritten code that tells his shoe-shining buddies this is his claim.

Somebody's grandmother

Could this be the lop-sided-truck-unloader's grandmother? Maybe. She seems happy, so everything must have turned out alright at the truck depot.

Check out that sweet smile. God makes beautiful people doesn't he?

Lop-sided loads

On our way to Agra to see the Taj Mahal. A three hour drive on some of the best roads in India. It only took us five hours because of fog and various other not uncommon road conditions. (If you ever travel in India, you'll be happier and less stressed if you leave any concept of timeliness back at home.)

Along the way our hired car had a puncture, which was only discovered after weaving down the road (also not an uncommon experience) for a few miles looking for a tea shop. When this truck loaded with tires came along, we had things to do elsewhere. Definitely not lingering anywhere near the car! The load was roped onto the truck. Sort of.

I wonder who the lucky fellow was that had to untie the first rope? I wonder which side of the truck he was standing? I wonder if he's still unloading trucks? I wonder what kind of accident insurance he had? I wonder if his mama knows where he is?

Evening snacks in Delhi

One of the greatest things about India is the food. So much of it is awefully tempting. So much of it needs to be avoided by the average Western stomach. And it's always colorful.

Every few feet along the city sidewalk vendors with snack foods galore set out their wares. Roasted peanuts in the shell; roasted channa, lentils, or peas whose flavor is enhanced with a little squeezed lime juice; potato chips; puffed rice; even sweet snacks such as peanut brittle.

Early evening is the best time. Folks are on their way back home, or just out for a stroll. They'll stop for a few rupees worth of something to get them through til dinner.

It's a wonderful place to be.

How to climb an elephant in sock feet

Here are some things I learned about how to climb up onto a 51 year old elephant in sock feet. (That would be my sock feet, not the elephant's. I didn't think of bringing any socks for him. Besides, I didn't have room enough in my suitcase. Even for the socks.)

1. You first have to abandon all sense of pride or self-worth.
2. Although you're instructed to remove your shoes, keep your socks on. (We had just spotted a cobra not 100 yards away. Socks may help in case of attack. Depends how long you've been wearing them.)
3. If you have enough friends around, it makes the whole task of getting up there just a little bit easier. (You have to trust that they have no ulterior motives when they handle your body in unusual ways.)
4. To help you climb up, you're not allowed to use the rope that you see around the beast's neck. (I believe that rule was established on the spot, just for me, to provide more joy for my friends.)
5. The elephant is very intelligent because it understands (although it cannot speak) Malayalam. (That came as a real surprise to me. I've only seen an elephant respond to English commands, albeit a somewhat spicy variety at times. Not even I, as a semi intelligent human being, have the slightest understanding of Malayalam, nor can I conceive of anyone else understanding it. Further proof that I had to leave my ego with my shoes in the bush.)
6. The mahout will shout the appropriate commands to the elephant, telling it to lift its leg into such a position that allows you to imagine there might be a sort of stairway there. (It's actually hard to imagine, but that's what they told me. Don't take too long at this stage because there are now several tons of body mass suspended on just three legs instead of four, and if the beast happens to lose its balance, you know which ways it's going to fall!)
7. To help you climb this thing, first you have to hang onto its earlobe, then as you progress, the top of its ear. (I hurt for the poor beast as I thought of 190 pounds of pretty dead weight suspended on its ear. Earings would have helped with the footing.)
8. Elephants do not wear earings.
9. Once you're up past the top of the ear, there's nothing but two large smooth bumps on the top of its head to grab on to in order to pull yourself up the rest of the way. (And at this stage your friends can't reach you any more, so you're on your own.)
10. Once you're comfortably settled onto the elephant's shoulders you are now permitted to hang onto the rope. (That's a good feeling.)
11. There are no seat belts.
12. Do not wear tight pants. (Unless you want to have two half pairs going home. You're practically doing the splits up there.)
13. Hold on tight and try to remain loose. (Because with each step it takes, your new elevated seat on the beast's shoulders disappears beneath you one side at a time.)
14. It would make the whole process a lot easier if you weren't laughing so hard, so try to concentrate and keep a straight face. (Besides, I failed to notice the elephant laughing. Also a good feeling.)
15. Once you're up there, you feel like a king. (Despite the sock feet and laughter coming up from the commoners below.)
16. Once you dismount (that means slide down) the elephant, run fast. (You have a very large beast with a sore ear behind you.)

Something wrong with this wiring

I admit I don't know a lot about things electrical, but it seems to me there's something wrong with these power lines. Not an uncommon site, where the easiest and cheapest way to get power to your house is to tap off the main lines. A quick greasing of the palm keeps the nasty rule enforcers away.

Then there's the city

We came across this sight in the city of Vijayawada, Andhra Pradesh. It's not a very pretty city (that's a serious understatement) but it's where I was born so we spent a few days there. This boneyard laundry was situated across the street from the police station. The officers at the gate told us these were all vehicles from accidents with law suits still unsettled. I guess the legal system works slowly here. Meanwhile, it makes a good place for the local dhobi to hang his laundry to dry. Notice the "No Parking" sign painted on the front of the burned out bus.

More smiles in the village

I think it's the people that I enjoy the most when I come to India. Especially out in the rural areas. Friendly, hospitable, and always happy to see us. Their contentment with what we consider so little has much to teach us in the west.

Where did it go?

The time, I mean. I thought yesterday was the day after Christmas. But alas, it wasn't. And now I'm almost at the end of my visit to India. Okay, I'll try to add some pictures and a few comments in the next few days. Promise.

Here's a start: In a village near Green Valley in Karnataka state. Smiles abound when I showed this old man his picture in my digital camera.